“Breathing out hoping to breathe in. I know nothing’s wrong, but I’m not convinced.” – “Breakers” by Local Natives, off of the “Hummingbird” album
These stinging lyrics have been my person anthem through this last week of production. As the process on set is incredibly physically, mentally and emotionally draining, it has not been highly favorable for me through my various experiences with it. Through Mother of Us All, however, I started becoming enamored with the energy, adrenaline, and the tension of that setting. But soon enough, the energy has to weaken, adrenaline becomes anxiety, and tension rises. Unfortunately, that shift happened much earlier in the process than I would have liked. The pieces were seeming to fall apart at rapid speeds. I could easily breathe out, but was too scared to discover what I would breathe in.
It took a passionate crew of people to develop a plan to look forward, when I desperately wanted to halt life for the moment. During these times of transition, re-evaluation, and re-structuring, I had to continuously remind myself to not let my personal feelings and doubts seep into my work and my role as the leader of this production. I will continue to live by my belief that there is no failure, the word doesn’t exist in my vocabulary, and there is nothing that can limit this production, it will only cause us to think even more creatively. I spent months dwelling in piles of research about the 60s decade. That is a success in itself. I internally battled over each version of my script, ending with a 34 page final draft. That is a success in itself. I raised my desired budget through Kickstarter. That is a success in itself. I collected the most dedicated and hard-working crew. That is a success in itself. And I pulled together a lively cast. That is a success. There hasn’t been failure thus far – and there won’t be any failure to come. Some people think I believe I am invincible, I believe I just have a willful and positive way of looking at things.
Now, with a revitalized and refreshed crew we head into our second act of production knowing that we can safely breathe out and breathe in.